Hillfolk Noir 

ALTERNATE SEMI-FICTION BIO

Travis Ward left the kegger at 2:00 A.M., thinking he could walk into town by hiking over Black Tail Mountain and swimming across Chuck Slough. It was about 5:00 A.M. when delirium set in , and Travis happened upon Mike Wait who was fast asleep inside the ancient hollow of a fallen cedar. After a brief chew of the fat they decided to swim the slough together. While swimming the slough, they were briefly imprisoned by Jason the Merman. As it turned out, Jason was simply bitter that he couldn’t hold his breathe long enough to impress a mermaid.  As luck would have it Jason’s one desire was to play drums in a band. Just then a half man half piano apparition appeared. This creature's name was Thomas Paul. The Junkyard Bandstand was formed. What the Band did not know, was that while they were traveling through the wilderness, an evil wizard cast a spell upon them. The wizard growled, “You will continue improving as a band, but you shall never make any money or become popular!” It is said that the band still travels around, playing strange folk songs, in ill-attended venues throughout the Northwest.  The moral of this story is, beware of keggers.

The beginning of a bio.
United we stand,  free of complete thought... 

1971 Born to Rosanna & Robert Ward in the Berkley Pit copper mine of lovely Butte, Montana. My mom baby sat Evel Knievel's son, Robby Knievel, to try and help pull our family from the ruins of poverty, while my dad drove a giant dump truck in and out of the mine. It got so cold in our apartment during our first and only winter there- that our parakeet died and our cat went insane. My Mom used to wear an old trench coat with the lining removed-so that when she and my Dad would go to the grocery store they could fill up the inside of the coat with bologna and other  nutritious foods and leave after only paying for a pack of smokes. Pretty cool huh?

1972 Francis Ford Coppola's The Godfather Comes out. I'm still too young to get in. My Dad builds a stock car, sells it, and we move to Coeur D'Alene, Id. My dad began studying to become an officer of the peace, And My Mom started playing drums in rock bands every weekend. I'm getting into Tonka Trucks. Fists of Fury, High Plains drifter

1973 the Exorcist was released. I was too young to get in. The Endangered Species Act of 1973 was founded. My Mom carried one bottle of Mad Dog under the seat of her Comet and two bottles in her kick drum. We moved to Sandpoint, Idaho and rented a small country home. We had a horse named Rowdy, a pony named Fat Jack, a dog named Blue, and two elves named Pete and Jack. I liked the elves best. Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid

1974 Francis Ford Coppola released two movies: The Conversation and Godfather Two. I was too young to get in. My friendship with Pete and Jack strengthened and we began a grand fort building project.

1975 I got a Saint Bernard puppy to replace Blue, who was hit by a car out  on the County road. I named my new dog Winston, but one of my Dad's new cop/drinking buddies backed over him with his police car. Winston died, Officer Chuck laughed, and I cried. Jaws and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Yep, I was still too young.

1976 I fell off of Rowdy while my Aunts were picking wild flowers. The out of control horse drug me about a mile down the gravel road, until my foot finally came free from the stirrup. My cousin Mary, who was on the other horse received a skull fracture, and I started a collection of pebbles with my face. The doctor thought my collection was an ill planned hobby, so he removed the tiny rocks with some fancy tweezers. Taxi Driver and Rocky. My Mom and Dad took me to the drive in to see Rocky. It was pretty cool, but they made me pee in a popcorn container. I still fight the urge to urinate in the popcorn bowl. 

1977 Hell fuckin' yeah. Star Wars. Please can I go again? 36 Chambers of shoalin

1978 We moved into a super deluxe single wide mobile home in Sagle, Idaho. Our cat had babies in my dresser. Mom would take me to the mountain-hippy-band practices. I got busted for stealing toy dinosaurs from kindergarten. The Deer Hunter, Halloween, and Superman come out. I cried during Superman.

1979 What I thought was grand theft auto, was really our Toyota pickup truck being repossessed. This was a rough but valuable lesson to learn for an insecure first grader with feathered hair and a Pete's Dragon lunch box. Alien and Apocalypse Now...

1980 Raging Bull, The Shining.

1981 Celtics VS Rockets, Das Boot

1982 I got my first rifle and built my first tree house.

1983 Iron Maiden  and Black Sabbath started to seem cooler than Eddie Rabbit and Tanya Tucker. Return of the Jedi & Zelig,

1984 I learned how to drive a stick shift on the dirt road leading to our new pastoral hovel (rustic shack) at the foot of Blacktail Mountain. No water, but plenty of old mining roads to search for Bigfoot. Once Upon a Time in America, The Killing Fields, Blood Simple, A Nightmare on Elm Street

1985 Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Pale Rider

1986 I got a job at the local movie theater. A perfect after school gig. Plus, after a weekend shift I could take a garbage bag full of popcorn to the weekend kegger. This always impressed the North Idaho Teenage Drunks.

1987  Blue velvet, Stand by Me, Platoon, Aliens.

1988 Busted for buying beer with a fake ID. Cinema Paradiso

1989 Smoking grass in graveyards and enjoying hardcore music. Drugstore Cowboy

1990 Self un discovery...La Femme Nakita, Edward Scissorhands, Goodfellas, A Grand Day Out

1991 I proclaimed myself a genuine idiot. Barton Fink, Delicatessen

1992 The day was already hot at 9:15 AM when Josh, Adrian, Mitch, Chris, and Myself took the LSD. "It'll take about 45 minutes to get to the old mine shaft!" I declared. By the time we parked the 1983 VW Van on the side of an old logging road things were already beginning to undergo a  bit of peculiar uneasiness. The fresh air and vigorous hike up the overgrown-road-turning-trail was both refreshing and relieving. After arriving, we found the entrance to the old mine shaft well hidden behind 40 years of growth. We entered with a cautious enthusiasm. After reaching a point were the light of the entrance abandoned us, we stopped to gather courage (smoke dope) were a wide spot in the tunnel opened up to about 12'x12'. "What the hell is that?" yelled Chris. "Holly Shit its a rat!"  Adrian's voice echoed. Mitch burped and said, "what?". "Oh Fuck" Said I, just as Josh heaved a boulder the size of a football onto the rat. The sound of the rock humiliating the rats vulnerable skeleton penetrated the walls of the cavern with painful screams and splats and oh shit lets get the hell out of here's. But as we all at once realized that we were a good 300 yards into a narrow copper mine shaft in Northern Idaho, we also realized two other things; One, we were on LSD and two, on the way in we had passed at least 25 mounds of debris that we could now recognize as rat nests. The greatest and most competitive 300 yard rat nest relay was now on.  Reservoir Dogs, Unforgiven

1993 My Mom proclaimed me a genuine idiot. I moved to Boise with hopes in avoiding a life long career at Gas 'n Go. True Romance, Groundhog's Day, Fairwell my Concubine

1994 Bands, ideas, people start to come and go. Hoop Dreams, Forrest Gump, Crumb, Pulp Fiction

1995 After a long day of cooking hamburgers and dreaming about rock and roll, Me and Mullin went to my house to get weird before the Built to Spill show. Jon peed in a sink at the bar, and I woke in the neighbors yard with a bruise the size of the sprinkler that I slept on. The City of  Lost Children, Dead Man, Young Poisoner's Handbook

1996 EJ invented shrub diving and the Roman Diaper. Fargo

1997 The lo-fi life style consumes. Princess Mononoke, Life is Beautiful

1998 Maybe quitting my job and hopping trains is a bad idea after all. Pi, Rushmore

1999 Ali and I got married in a blaze of joints, cigars, hipsters, rednecks, Sierra Nevada, Irish Whiskey, folk songs, and the time of our lives with the greatest friends and family in the world. Magnolia, Being John Malkovich

2000 Grace was born, making our lives more flavorful than ever. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Pollock, Oh Brother, Where art Thou?, Requiem for a dream.

2001 I walked into a crowded night club in downtown Boise. I felt unsolved while carrying my old Gibson guitar. I positioned myself on a chair and began. And after the first song, I paused to check out the audience's response. Aside from the sound of bats circling above and the fickle weeping of coyotes in the back 40, nothing happened. Spirited Away

2002 Why is there always wool over my eyes? An international poll of directors and critics agreed that Citizen Kane is the greatest movie ever made! Punch Drunk Love, Adaptation

2003 Nearly 100 gigs this year. Big Fish, Kill Bill, Triplett's of Belleville, Finding Nemo

2004 Rube Rube oh Rube. Coffee and Cigarettes, Ray, The Incredibles, kill Bill 2

2005 As the earth settled and the crops began to sadly sprinkle ashes upon it's surroundings, I couldn't help but wonder if the rumors were true. Can a poor man really make money on the other side of nowhere, or do they just tar and feather musicians who travel past the big mountains? With more questions than money, I began planning my greatest and most treacherous adventure of all!  

I’m sure that this is poetry. So why does it feel so strange? The words are confusing, and the timing is awkward. "Luck of a duck, my minds moving slowhere!" says a dreamer removing herself from a totaled car. Slowhere is a word to describe a mood that makes you afraid to visit the local pub, leaves you wishing for solitude, and strikes your poet bone deeper than prose. Yes, I’m really as absurd as current guiding principles. Stop. Go. Can you? Don’t let these words violate your perfect example- it would be a waste of time. Speaking of time, it’s time for a rhyme. My rhymes out of line and this times not my time to fragment out of line. The end… P.S. I like to play weird folk songs. Love, Travis

Dear Josh, The Budget Tour was an enormous success. We left our stain on trees from Denver to San Francisco. Playing in Portland with heroes and villains was like a cheese burger with fries. Playing in San Francisco was like a Tuna Roll drenched with maple syrup. Salt Lake and Reno were like cabbage tortillas. And Denver was like an omelet. The most frightening thing to happen to us, was when Justin (stand up bass) was swept away by a gang of colossal Turkey Vultures. Now I am a wise old folk singer with a beer gut and reputation for staining trees. The new Junkyard Bandstand should be ready to play shows by the end of June. Well, take care good buddy. Your pal, Trav     PS canoro you get any pot?      

Yeah, The band is almost ready and a tour is in the works.      

Have you heard the story of how Thomas battled 17 turkey vultures to keep Leslie Helpert from harms way? He did it all by himself - he needed no helpert!    

E.J. Pettinger provided us with the super groovy constellation drawing that is now the web cover page. You can check out his work at www.mildabandon.net .

well, what can I say. It was a tough winter. As a lot of you already know, we had some unfortunate happenings, a mixed up tour, and no fly fishing. Our current state of affairs is as follows: Jason is taking some time to re-center, Alison Ward is now playing Banjo and singing harmonies in the Bandstand, Lucky 13 is busy as usual, Thomas Paul is playing lots of shows, and I'm working on some film projects. The Junkyard Bandstand is planning a short NW tour for mid July, but you can count on us once a month at Pengilly's Saloon in downtown Boise. Thanks for all of your help and support.